Lewb

A Lovesquirt Industries advert for Lewb featuring Ambassador Cobalt.

Lewb is a popular sexual lubricant created on the planet Boink where it is bottled and sold through Lovesquirt Industries, who distribute it galaxy-wide. It is popular for being all-natural, non-allergenic, and coming in a variety of flavors and formulations.

History

Shortly after Boink became property of the Foozles, it was discovered that among the plants native to the planet was a rather unique specimen evolved from a species of carnivorous vine locally known as the Honeysuckle. It's large purple flowers secrete a sweet, slippery liquid that acts as both a lubricant and a lure for local fauna.

By setting up nurseries dedicated to growing these flowers, the Foozles were able to generate a regular a steady supply of this all-natural lubricant.

Marketing

An advertisement displaying several flavors and formulations of Lewb

Lewb is marketed and sold by Lovesquirt Industries.

Lewb's marketing has involved several memorable slogans over the years, including "...Fuck Yeah!" and "Feel Special Inside."

The most memorable of their advertisements involved the popular band Foozle Bop. These included a series of video commercials where the band members engaged in various sexual escapades, each with a color-coordinated bottle of the product in hand, to the backing of the 1960's pop tune "Inside, Outside, Upside Down." In another, specifically about the flavored varieties of the product available, the band performed oral sex on members of their audience during a concert, to the tune of the Ohio Express song "Yummy, Yummy, Yummy, I've Got Love In My Tummy."

Varieties and Flavors

Lewb comes in three basic formulations, and one special formulation.

The three basic formulations are:

• Water-based: The classic formula, taken straight from the Honeysuckle plant.

• Oil-based: this formula removes the water from the mixture and replaces it with the natural oil of the Honeysuckle vines.

• Silicone: this version, marketed as "Masturbation Lubrication" isn't safe for use on toys, but is considered perfect for handjobs. Like the oil-based variant, it involves a laboratory reconstitution of the natural formula.

Known Flavors

• Passionberry (the original)
• Bubblegum
• Wild Cherry
• Tangerine
• Lemon-Lime
• Cream Lemon (a deliberate reference to the pornographic japanese anime series)
• Donut Flavor
• Pina Colada
• Cocoanut Cream Pie
• Pennsylvania Dutch Birch Beer
• Peppermint
• Green Apple

At one point, some enterprising genius at Lovesquirt Industries approved of a "Cheese & Onion" flavour of Lewb. Even the most sexually adventurous customers couldn't stand it, and it was quickly pulled from circulation. In the years since then, however, the few bottles of Cheese & Onion that were put on the market have become valuable collector's items, albeit as novelty joke items rather than anything intended for serious use.

There is also an "Unscented" variety which is odorless, colorless and which has no taste at all. This is essentially the flavored variety without the flavor, scent or coloring agents added.

Special Formulation

An additional variation of Lewb also exists, which is marketed under the product name of Foozle Cum. Technically while it is also a water-based Lewb, it is distinct from the other plant-based varieties in that it is made specifically from actual Foozle Cum which has been treated for shelf stability. Originally made from cum which needed to be separated from the Honeysuckle nectar after harvesting, it was later also augmented by means of Lewb Donation Stations around Boink.

Available Sizes

Barrels of Lewb in the cargo hold of a Boink Fleet starship

The most popular size, considered the standard, is a 16.5 Oz pump top bottle which mimics the shape of the Honeysuckle flower bulb, but "single serving" pocket-sized 2oz bottles are also available.

The largest size currently on the market is not actually sold to the general public: the 50-gallon drum. These special barrels of sexlube are produced for the exclusive use of Boink Fleet and come only in the original, all-natural flavor and formulation.